Originally Posted by QueenTonberry
. . . at first that is what I wanted but now I think I'm happy with just J and C and perhaps J should find a girl for himself but he has said many times that he wishes for us to both be with her and not someone just for himself.
We see quite a few spouses who suggest that out of feeling guilty, like they shouldn't go beyond the bonds of their marriage without also involving their partner, just to be fair. It isn't logical, actually. And it's always better if relationships happen organically on their own, anyway, without some pre-conceived requirements placed on them.
Are you even bi? I ask because what's perplexing is that often times a man will suggest that his wife share a girlfriend with him, and she'll go along with it even though she's straight, just out of guilt. Or if he won't "let her" be with another man. But whether you're straight or bi, you don't have the 2nd problem - you've also got a BF, and I assume your hubs is okay with that! I say, if you're happy with the way things are, why keeping looking for more? Usually the best things come to us when we're NOT looking!
It is often more difficult for the male in a poly-practicing couple to find a GF, never mind one that wants and clicks with him AND his wife, too. So, if he dates independently, he'll have better chances that way.