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Old 12-14-2013, 02:13 AM
hellokitty hellokitty is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
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Thanks for your replies.

Ended up doing a little bit of all suggested. I apologized for hurting her and going against our agreement. Things got really intense because we both were hurting and struggling with our clashing opinions. I felt it was time to stop beating around the bush with things and have the hard convos that needed to happen.

I told her it was a mistake for me to agree to push my boundaries so far to begin with and I didn't feel comfortable letting her make decisions about my relationship with my bf any longer. She hated that but agreed that she did not want to control me. I said I was still more than willing to help her work through her jealousy but I don't think that was the right way.

I asked her to truly be honest with me and tell me if she is ever going to be able to be content being with a poly person when she is mono. What it came down to was she said as long as she feels she is getting enough love, attention and affection (and sex) from me the rest doesn't matter. Fair enough.

I want her to be so happy and feel loved & fulfilled, of course. We decided we need to make an effort for *quality time* and maybe spend more time apart in order to get that. I desperately need my space (just my personality type, I need looooottttssss of space) and it would be positive for her to build on her friendships so I'm not the only person in her life she can connect with. Definite steps forward. I want to read that "Love Languages" book because we seem to not see eye to eye at times. In the sense that many times I feel I am putting in so much effort to make her feel special, beautiful, happy, and the next day she says "you didn't pay any attention to me last night" :P lots of confusion with that stuff. I don't think I am spacey because people always tell me I'm considerate and caring. I think she might just need *more* which I will try to be more aware & figure out how to give it to her, but also I think her spending time becoming more independent will help her confidence.

I am still a little worried about our mono/poly clash. This whole situation was a reallly unfortunate hiccup because there's just so much more I need to get off my chest. It's just frustrating that she is still so hung up on me sleeping just with my boyfriend when I desperately crave the freedom to date *more* people. (Just like kdt26417 was describing :P) I have sooooo much love to give and connecting with people is such an expression of my soul. It just feels so natural to me. I was talking to my friend last night about how life truly is short and what is honestly a good reason you shouldn't let as many people as possible into your heart. Now I'm not saying throw all boundaries and commitments to the wind but just opening up and embracing the friendships and relationships you have with any person you find a connection with. Human connection is sooo interesting and beautiful, I just want to explore it. I don't think love and affection can really run out so it should be shared. I think it feels so good and I try to open other's minds to this way of being because it just makes me sooooo happy to release attachments to jealousy.

We talked about our boundaries with other people and she said she is okay with me being with girls (sex, not dating) but she can't stand the thought of me being with guys. She said she needs to be involved if I want to do anything with a guy. It's good to hear she isn't completely closed off to the idea but also like, we obv won't always be interested in the same people. I told her eventually I want to be able to sleep with who I want and not have to have it be with her supervision. I dunno I'm not sure how to feel about it. On one hand I'm grateful she is being open minded at all but in the back of my mind there is something poking me saying "Hey isn't this kinda like what happened with her saying no sex w the bf?" I just don't wanna fuck up again... Obv I have self control and don't WANT drama. It's just like well how long do I be respectfully patient? How do couples grow through these things and blossom? It's SOOO confusing being raised on society's monogamous relationship rules and wondering well am I just a fucking ass hole for wanting to date other people??? Or is this normal feelings for a poly chick??? I feel like a jerk for wanting what I want but at the same time it feels natural and I definitely don't want to hurt anyone. Sooooo endlessly confusing, lol. Help. :P
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