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Old 12-13-2013, 07:56 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,225
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Quote:
I would love to hear any thoughts you have about whether I should be trying to be honest more often, even when I feel it would be hurtful. ]It is hard to know whether it might make things work out better for the long term or not.
Yes. If you want to be open and honest you, play ball. BE (open and honest you.)

I do not see how you being LESS than honest helps things work out better in the long term in your shared relationship.
I do not see how you being LESS than honest helps you achieve your desired outcome of "Emotional honesty -- that is what I want most" either.

What are you afraid of if you are open, honest you? Can you fill in the blanks?
"I am not able to express myself honestly because then I would have to do __(what?)______?"
  • Take a risk?
  • BE honest?
  • Feel vulnerable?
  • Something else?

Or is it response from him that you fear?
"I am not able to express myself honestly because then I would have to deal with him doing ___(what?)_____? "
  • he will say he no longer wants to participate in relationship with you?
  • Him ask you to do ____ or not do ____?
  • Crying?
  • Something else?

You guys are either open and honest or not.

The relationship is long haul or not.

Putting off being honest for fear of finding out you are not actually compatible in what relationship model you want to practice together serves you HOW?

I do not see how sticking around for a less than honest relationship is great for EITHER of you.
  • To me it sounds like you ultimately want to participate in an (open relationship model where you are both polysexual and polyamorous.)
  • To me it sounds like he wants to be (participate in a monoship with just you) or maybe an (open relationship where you are monoamorous to each other but polysexual.)

You guys could clear that up rather than put it off.

You mentioned jealousy... I do not know if reading any of these together help get an honest convo going between you so you can sort yourselves out. If you both have a hard time articulating, maybe having something to look at and go "Yes, I feel that... no I don't feel that" helps?

http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/p.../jealousy.html
http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/im...ed_10-6-10.pdf

GL!
Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-14-2013 at 01:58 AM.
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