Thank you, Studentforlife, I think it would be very helpful for me to talk with someone who goes through similar things with their partner.
I definitely agree that talking about sex with my sweetie would be a BAD idea. Her view is that since we are poly, I should be able to get my needs met elsewhere, and if I can't, that's my own problem to deal with and she shouldn't have to hear about it. I don't disagree with that, I think it's fair. As for missing sex with her, I think she misses it too in her own way, in a sort of abstract sense, but it's not something that is possible and quite frankly I don't have any hope that it's ever coming back, so talking about it is pointless. It puts needless pressure on her and it does not a bit of good.
My okcupid profile is NOT whiney or "woe is me" and I feel a bit condescended to in that assessment. If you want to look at it, it's afewgaytigers.
Yes, I realize I need to increase my happiness for my own benefit as well as my sweetie's, and that fucking is not a magic cure. At this point I am simply trying to adjust and diminish my sexuality, as it has become obvious that I will no longer have any means of sexual expression in the future. And I am working on figuring out what me being happy with that looks like.
My therapist mainly talks to me about self compassion because I have a problem with being too hard on myself.
I don't really know what good it would do to talk to her about my sexual and romantic frustrations. The last time I told her I missed being desired she mentioned that desire can look like a lot of things, and that I am desired professionally (I teach and students ask to be put in my class a lot).