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Old 12-13-2013, 07:01 PM
bofish bofish is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 221
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I wish people would comment more!

Sometimes, I think I'm too contrary or too different. Maybe in my writing I come off as too forceful. If I had to name myself, I might call myself a mother, a wife ,but more of a best friend of a wife, an activist, a person with a disability who does not want to NOT be disabled, a person who loves her body and experience, but a person who has developed a harsh, judgmental attitude by dealing with daily prejudice, a person who wants to overcome that judgement and aversion through compassion and meditation, a Buddhist, someone who has been involved in gay male culture from the outside (as a woman) for 3 years, someone who always stops along the street and asks people if they need help, someone who is compassionate to all the neighbors needs and problems, but someone who is forceful on the internet and world at large, someone who feels she need to be forceful or she will be left behind, ridiculed and rolled over. Someone who fell in love with a cheating man and although long sense not sexual, thinks every day how to, if to, relate to this person. Someone who loves transgender people, writes and reads all day, has too many animals, is sexually neurotic.

I finally spoke yesterday with my mother about my sexuality. I told her I'm aroused all the time. She said, she "went through that in her 40's" She says it wears off. She said, if I jUST learnt to have an orgasm, it's going to be awhile. She says it has nothing to do with having a partner. More and more, I want to think less about love which has just become confusing for me.

I love one who I don't talk to, I love another whom I'm married to, but not aroused by. Then, I will call "those on the internet." Last week, I talked to three guys - two said "yr not for me" after the picture. They didn't know I'm disabled, so that wash;'t it. Who knows? I think guys still want women with long hair and nails? The other guy, can't remember. I talk to V on a daily basis, but he is married (mono) and I refuse to meet him. Just got a new one, but he's really into submission/dom and I'm not/ The primary thing I find lacking is consistency and connection. I "should:" go on Cupid, but I'm just not ready... I had some bad experiences there. Maybe I need a break from men all together.
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