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Old 07-04-2009, 09:09 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900

Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
Ceoli, I would never begin to put the love you've had on a lower level. I'm not going that way. I know there are many secondaries (yes I hate that term) that have probably evolved over time to become equal partners in life and love with the couple they have joined, and therefore would no longer be called secondary. That obviously takes a special set of people and circumstances for that to happen, but it is the goal many of us in poly relationships strive for.
Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
The perfect scenerio you and I so desire, may in fact, be one of those elusive unicorns that people on this board mention others constantly chasing. We'll see.
I think you're mis-reading me a bit. As a single bi girl, I've been chased after as a unicorn by couples (many of them new to poly) enough to know that joining a couple as a third in any way isn't really something I want, even if that triad were to develop into something where all three are equal. One of my issues in a polyfidelity "V" model is that usually, one person gets to be with lovers every night while the two others have to have nights alone part of the time. While I applaud others who can, I can't find balance that way.

I have no problem falling in love with a person who may already be part of a couple (hell, I've already done that). I'm looking for deep loving partnerships, and I would like at least one of those partnerships to involve building a life or having a family together. I believe that two people can develop a loving, lasting, lifelong bond like that while still being involved with other people in deep loving ways.

I guess I just find it disappointing that couple-centric poly communities seem to think that your only ticket to such a life is by already being in a couple.
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