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Old 12-13-2013, 03:50 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

Originally Posted by yakchef View Post
Due to health issues and chronic pain my sweetie and I no longer have sex. We have been dating for a year and a half and living together since late summer. I love her and am committed to her.
I am right there with ya. My wife has fibro and its been a battle. My wife has come an incredible distance, with both pain management from a medical standpoint and emotional one. Most people don't realize how agony affects mental capacity. If you sweetie is keeping it together, be grateful for her strength.

I feel rather embarrassed because we are poly, I should be able to get my sexual needs met elsewhere but I can't. I don't feel confident anymore, it must come out as me being unattractive because no one wants to go on a date or play with me.
Is it lack of confidence or caused by guilt? Is her pain stopping her from enjoying sex, and you going out and finding partners is affecting your confidence because you don't want to enjoy sex with someone else while she hurts?

Pain in a spouse can create a sad co-dependent union. Making her pain, your pain, in other ways. It becomes self sabotage.

Sometimes I just wish I could remove that part of my brain that desires sex, making out, flirting, kink, play, all of it.
Ya.. umm... I don't think you do.. that would suck..

I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and thinking about myself and just focus on the things I do have. And I need to focus my energy on being solid to help deal with my sweetie's medical issues and being her support person.
Pain management is only one part of dealing with pain. Are you guys seeing counselling, or other help beyond simple pain. The simple truth

She has to deal with the pain
You have to support her in that
You don't have to carry her pain with you
You have to live life too

If you can be happy, you might be surprised by how happy it makes her and in turn makes her feel good. A circle of sadness and pain, creates a toilet affect.. spiralling downward further and further. Someone needs to do a hard left and drive the other way.

Reading your post, hit home for me. Between my mom when I was young and my wife.. I have had a long history of dealing with others pain, as someone who never suffers. I have learned what is required and she has done more than her part too.

Anyways, if I missed the mark, sorry, I jumped on some assumptions based on the tone of your thread.
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