I hadn't had a date or even anyone interesting PM me on OKC since July. Finally one guy stood out from the okc crowd. Most messages I get are boring: "hi," or gross: some form of "i want to fuck u," but this guy took the time to read my profile and write in a way that indicated we shared some interests. A few PMs led to him asking for my yahoo chat ID, we had 2 chats, he asked me out, we set a tentative day/time for that 10 days hence. He seemed nice, cute, stable, well employed, a 50 year old divorced father of 2 college age girls. Intelligent and a good speller and flirty.
Then he stopped talking to me. A couple times he IMed me when I was away from keyboard and signed off before I saw it. Finally I checked OKC and saw he'd been on there earlier in the day... so I PMed him asking where he was.
He responded with a PM and finally chatted me when I was online, only to say he was really busy at work and with a major household project and had to postpone our date.
Sigh... I've lost what little interest I had in him. We are only a 70% match, he lives 25 miles away. I am so over "dating," that if he's making it difficult this early on to meet or even cyberly communicate, I just don't have the energy.
In other poly news, since miss pixi is feeling so good these days, her libido is quite high. I have been out working a couple of nights when Ginger has come over to watch basketball on our big screen TV... and he and miss p have had their first two one-on-one sexy times-- cuddling and groping during the game and more focused sex during halftime.
In one way, I am so glad they are enjoying each other without me there in the mix. OTOH, it really does throw me to come home from work and find them entangled on the couch, sexy glows on their faces, most clothing gone from their bodies.
I am not jealous. They both give me plenty of quality time and attention of all kinds. I keep trying to analyze why I feel uneasy at their sexual relationship. Maybe because miss p has so often rejected me sexually. Well, she's kept Ginger at arm's length plenty of times too.
Maybe it's as simple as seeing them together goes against my mono programming... It's just so... ODD to come home and find my 2 lovers/partners in a clinch. And they always hug so sensuously and kiss when Ginger arrives and leaves.
Ginger isn't good at talking about his feelings, being a guy and Aspie to boot. He mostly prefers to support me with touch, hugs, kisses, cuddles, sex. miss p, however, has reassured me verbally with her honesty around her feelings for him, her desire for him, her feelings for me. She said out of the blue the other day, after having had Ginger sexually the night before, regarding his sexuality: "Ginger really is irresistible, isn't he? How does he do it? Is it some mystical pagan power?" I know, I feel his power too, and I love it.
I think I just need to adjust to this "new normal." It's so different from how I've lived my life before. Sometimes I wish I had 2 separate relationships, and these 2 didn't feel attracted and do sex together. I am not a voyeur so I don't "get off" on seeing them touching and kissing each other.
miss p seems to have a touch of NRE for Ginger and vice versa. And both their dating pools are small. She has a physical disability and is pre op transgender. Ginger is 61 and poly/married and definitely an all around "alternative" sort of guy. So I don't feel I should begrudge them finding each other and playing together and becoming closer.
None of this is me complaining, per se. Just a vent to see if it helps me adjust to this new normal.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw
me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
Last edited by Magdlyn; 12-13-2013 at 03:03 PM.