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Old 12-13-2013, 04:19 AM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern US...
Posts: 182
Default writing lull

I'm not too good at writing. I don't have much time, it's late, I should sleep, etc. Some quick updates, in no order:

After talking for a while about defining ourselves as closer to partners, AM and I are taking a pause from the word. Friends and lovers is strong enough for what we are, right now. It's also what she and WI are. We continue to dance between being incredibly serious about where this is going, and wishing we could just dance in the moment, enjoy what we have.

I got a serious niggle about the two of them a few nights ago. It rarely happens, and my wife isn't used to it (I'm usually supportive - I won't go into my trigger, but it happened). She gets insecure, like she's doing something wrong and owns my reaction. She doesn't. But she's new to non-monogamy and having a hard time learning this for herself.

Both AM and WI continue to struggle with their love for the other, in that they are in love with a woman. Neither has ever pursued this. Some hard talks about it, lately. Sometimes, they just want to go hide. Self image is a demon master, sometimes. To be non-monogamous AND love a woman? Sometimes it's too much for WI.

Because of an illness where we haven't known who has what, we've been on a sex hiatus. Jesus, this sucks. Can the antiobiotics be done soon? The class of "non-STD illnesses that could be shared by sex" is a really weird class of illnesses.

I wish I had more time with AM. Nothing to do about it, we've seen LOTS of each other. But she's coming from a background where asking for anything was not encouraged. Her way of asking "can you come over" does not involve those words. So I've missed her invitations, for weeks and months. I feel like a dolt. Now that I know, I can hear better. Learning that was a good thing.

WI was at the doctor, and their conversation was about past marriage and present marriage. The doc is really awesome, totally supportive of our trio, really interested in helping us work things out. But she was also pointedly telling WI that she's not facing herself, not being honest about who she is. When we talked about it, I said the lines "you're HAPPY with AM, you're in love." And in her mood, she didn't know what to do. It's a huge change from how she used to be. Huge.

Time to head to bed. At least I wrote down a bit of where we are right now.
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