Originally Posted by kdt26417
It's possible you may need/want to talk to Newbie personally at some point. I'd consider telling Secondary this and asking him to let you know if/when he's filled Newbie in on the nature of your major relationships. Then if/when you get word of that from him, ask him to give Newbie your contact info and to let her know you'd like to meet/greet her, as close to in-person as you can get.
Not sure of all the details of that advice yet, but the point is, talking to Newbie directly would be a way of "knowing" (as much as one can know) whether Secondary has told Newbie what you really needed him to tell her in order for you to stay in a romantic relationship with him.
Thank you for the input. I'm going to cool off for a few more days, then check in with the (now former? ha) Secondary. If he's told the Newbie what he said he would, I'm going to take him back and do as you advised. I think I'm just going to send a Facebook message to the Newbie at first, as that is how I've communicated with her in the few times I've talked to her before.
Originally Posted by Emm
Any option that involves waiting until a relationship is established before telling a new partner about existing partners (such as #2, 4 or 6 in your poll) is, in my opinion, highly unethical. It relies on using an emotional bond forged under false pretences to make someone choose something they may not otherwise accept. Bait 'n switch is no way to start a relationship.
I see your point and am glad we did not go with those options.
Also, while all this was going on, another poly person has asked both me and the Primary on a date for this weekend. I know newer poly people are sometimes warned about triads, but this person doesn't seem like the unicorn type to me, so the Primary and I have accepted.
This is sure an interesting time for our relationship