Originally Posted by london
Sure, we all have boundaries. One boundary might be that all partners have to get on. However, expressing your boundaries isn't giving a veto. [...]
Healthy relationships don't need anyone to make a rule saying I'll listen to your concerns, I'll maintain my parental and spousal obligations or I wont date a serial killer.
And I agree with that, which is why I went down my rambling path of "well, we have a veto, kinda-sorta, but this is what I think it really means." It's leading me to think more about that term in particular, and if it really means that we're going to talk about what makes us uncomfortable, rather than lay down the law and say that's it - my way or the highway - then maybe we should call it what it really is instead. Or stop calling it what it's not.
I simply cannot see P telling either me or M1 that he's throwing the veto card and that's that. And I cannot see myself doing that either. Not sure what M1 wants, but I am confident that she couldn't toss the veto card down on me without a LOT of discussion. Not sure what she expects to be able to do WRT new relationships on P's end, though.
It's worth a discussion on "what veto means to me" and see if we're all on the same page.
Again, it's like any terminology - it's good to make sure we all mean the same thing when we use a word. Too many times, we THINK we know what each other means, and we only know what WE mean.
Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 14; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).
Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk