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Old 12-12-2013, 11:36 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
Posts: 201

I suspect it would be good for you to be able to talk with someone, to have an outlet for your feelings and an opportunity to process them.

The questions is who to talk to.

G sounds like a possibility; at any rate, you did not say that he minds. Or do you have friends who you could talk to? This site can also be a pretty good sounding board, if you can deal with a cacophony of opinions instead of just one response. Or journaling might help.

I would tread carefully in talking to Y and H. I'm not totally comfortable with this reaction, because in general I like being open and honest. But I'm not sure whether talking to them right now benefits anyone. If your perception that H does not share your feelings is correct, then you risk destabilizing the relationship you do have. So maybe gaining clarity for yourself first is best.

This also depends on what the expectations are within the relationship in its current form. How much do emotional sharing is there between you and them? Does speaking or staying silent feel more true?

It is probably worth trying to be clear in yourself what outcomes you can be comfortable with. If feelings are returned and Y is ok, then great. But if not, then what? Can you stay with them when the extent of feelings is unbalanced, or will that eat away at you? Can you acknowledge your feelings (to yourself, if not them) but recognize that they don't lead anywhere, and let them go? Does the relationship in its current form still feel good for you, or have you come to a phase in your life where it can't work for you?

Did you ever talk about the relationship amongst you before your feelings shifted?
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