A Unicorn's Dilemma
I've recently entered into a new relationship and I don't know what to do about the difference between where I stand and where I want to be.
To be perfectly fair, I don't strictly fit the definition of a unicorn. I currently have 3 partners, two of whom I live with and one who is long distance. I have been with my long-distance partner (henceforth G) for about 5 years now; we got together while we were still living in the same area. However, because G and I rarely get to see each other recently, or even chat online, I had begun in daily life to feel as if I was single.
My other two partners (H and Y) and I began living together about 2 years ago. At the time, I was strictly platonic with them and the two of them were in a monogamous relationship. The three of us have become very close friends. Within the last year, we began a three-way relationship, but I am still unsure of what kinds of relationship it is. H and Y are very close and are obviously in love. In this relationship, I am a bit of a unicorn, with H and Y as the primary couple and myself as their secondary.
I have never been fond of hierarchical relationships, but due to the natural progression of things, it cannot be helped. In terms of love, I don't believe either of them have romantic feelings for me. H and I are sexual partners and friends. Y and I are very close friends, but we only engage in sexual activity together when H is around.
The problem is, I'm starting to develop romantic feelings for H. I haven't told them as I don't want to jeopardize our relationship. Y is a very emotional type, and gets jealous sometimes when H and I do things alone; even though she does encourage us to. I don't want to risk losing her friendship because I am taking things too fast or too far with H. Nor do I want to risk making things awkward with H by letting him know my feelings if he doesn't feel the same about me. But, I am having a hard time holding in my feelings and not letting on. I often feel like the outsider when I am with them, or even a third wheel, and try to stay out of the way when they seem to be doing "couple things." This is particularly hard on me because I feel the need for intimacy with them; but, often times it is denied because of my secondary status and because our relationship is currently non-romantic.
I have talked briefly with G about this, but since we can't talk as much recently, I still feel rather alone in this. I'm relatively new to relationships in general, which just adds to the confusion. Does anyone have advice on what I should do? My current thoughts are to hold back for now, to not rush things, and to see how this relationship naturally progresses. I hold out hope that it will turn romantic, but I have no idea where this road will actually take us.