GalaGirl: While I definitely think that my girlfriend has some issues with depression; I have been told by many, many people that this is simply her personality. She needs to have a "role" to play in order to interact with other people, and she has a very poor grasp on interpersonal relationships of any sort. I would like her to get some help, but that is not something I can force her to do.
You alone maybe not. The legal husband with a close person? Maybe yes. If she is depressed to the point of hurting herself or others (ex: the child gets hurt because she's too depressed to _____.) he can document with another witness and seek out involuntary hospital commitment in some states for her to be evaluated. He could look into involuntary mental health evaluation laws where he lives to familiarize himself.
I am not
saying you have this level of wacky over there -- only you all know what level it is.
I am just saying that there could be options the husband could be investigating for the well being of his wife.
Whether or not you and he continue as a couple or not? His wife sounds like she needs care and this had been a lifelong condition. Other people have noticed it. It's not new. The husband could know what DX he lives with here so he could know what to expect. Even if the wife is not ready/willing/able to put in the work toward healing at this time? They could choose to know the DX together if she is fit enough to go get checked out with his support. And if at this time her illness incapacitates her so she cannot make health decisions like that for herself, he could take other steps to know the dx.
Whether they/he even want
to know a formal dx -- that's another story.
GL with whatever you decide is best for YOU though. Hang in there!