What if you can't be poly?
Today, I am thinking about this: any advice would be great. I have a platonic guy friend who I care deeply about. He had a couple of affairs. Married, long-term, raising children together. He loves his wife, but they have little sexual connection. It is very brave to me that my friend came out and asked her to be poly. She said resoundly NO. I don't know all the details but that is the crux of it. I feel terrible for him.
When I think philosophically about monogamy, poly, marriage, and divorce, these questions come up for me again and again. I feel like I am one of the very lucky ones. My husband didn't particularly wanted to be monogamous. He is still really in love with me and at times, it's a struggle for him. However, our open relationship has brought a second love into his life, a hell of a lot more sex, kinkiness and overall self knowledge. For me it has brought freedom and the ability to explore my sexuality in a safe space; meaning I always have a base to go back to.
But what about my dear friend. Now, his options appear to be cheat, crappy sex life, or divorce. None of these seems a solution. He has cheated in the past and now to him it seems even worse to cheat. I'm only thinking of this from a philosophical level because I've heard people be so quick to judge cheaters or poly folks or whatever. It seems people judge divorce the least of these, I don't know.
I just heard on a movie "If you want to be monogamous, marry a swan."
It is cold and I am going off to visit my trans friends at a poetry reading. I am leaving my 11 year old son home for the first time alone (while I'm out of the neighborhood) and I'm a luddite, so no cell phone for me. I like how, when I go into the city, I can see and notice and think without so-called text messaging. However, this does make me worry about my son.
Last night was a series of beautiful surprises. A suitor got over here and he did wonderful things with his fingers. He was really, except the old crow!, the last boy I touched and that was 2 months ago. Before that hadn't had sex since June. A little goes a long way and some sex come february would be just about right. It's not that I have a low sex-drive, in fact the opposite, I am starting to think I have too much progestagin because of menopause. But, since I don't have a regular fling and it's A LOT of work to set up (and anxiety) once in awhile is fine (unless I meet someone).