advice for transitioning to nonsexual relationship with primary partner
Due to health issues and chronic pain my sweetie and I no longer have sex. We have been dating for a year and a half and living together since late summer. I love her and am committed to her.
I have so very many things I am grateful for in my life, and I want to focus my energy on being a good support person for my sweetie, but I still feel a sense of grief for the sexual connection I used to have with her. Sometimes it's overwhelming.
I feel rather embarrassed because we are poly, I should be able to get my sexual needs met elsewhere but I can't. I don't feel confident anymore, it must come out as me being unattractive because no one wants to go on a date or play with me. I've been trying to find people for a year. Sometimes I give up but then I get the idea in my head I should be able to do it, so I try again. It's embarrassing.
Sometimes I just wish I could remove that part of my brain that desires sex, making out, flirting, kink, play, all of it. I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and thinking about myself and just focus on the things I do have. And I need to focus my energy on being solid to help deal with my sweetie's medical issues and being her support person.
There's a part of me that can't let go or accept this reality. I miss fucking, I miss feeling desired, I miss the energy and connection and passion. Sorry about the whining. Thanks for listening.