Things with Brig are still good. Taking it slow. Not talking about what it all means, not talking about expectations, not talking about the future. Just going from date to date, enjoying each other, getting to know each other. Its new for me and sometimes nerve wrecking. There's so much less reassurance going on than in the early stages of my relationship with C (ex bf). But then again, the reassurance never really worked. It's been very enlightening, this new relationship. He is special - wounded, fragile. I want to take care of him. I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily - I do need to be careful though. but he is also fiercely independent, I am not worried about him claiming me or becoming dependent. Just need to watch my own tendencies to ' mother' a guy.
Things with MrBrown are really good. We had a fabulous date a couple of weeks ago where we celebrated our 2 year anniversary. We've come such a long way. He distanced himself from me and then he came back, and it's ok because I feel in my heart that his love for me never really went away. We are stronger now than before. We see each other once a month maybe. But somehow I always feel he's there, even when we are not in touch.
Scin and I are still in touch, through email, we probably won't see each other until the new year. He is SUCH a great guy. Perfect in every sense except the fact that I am not all that attracted to him. But I think he could become a very good friend. It seems we really ' get' each other.
Had a lovely date with Knight some weeks ago. Walking the streets holding hands, sitting in bars drinking, talking. We never kiss, these days. A nuzzling of the neck. Sometimes his hand on my hair. That's it. This guy... he gets under my skin. I feel such unconditional love for him. If I never saw him again my feelings for him would never change. It's like with his words he penetrates right into the depths of my soul. I am so happy that after almost 3 years, he is still here, in my life, a quiet but burning force in the background, always in my heart.
C got in touch with me. We hadn't talked for months. He sent me an email that he wants to see me to either to 'close' things or to reconnect (whatever that means - as friends, I suppose).
I think I will meet him later this month. I'm scared, that it will rip open old wounds. But I don't want fear of pain to stand in the way of a meeting like this. There's still things I want to say/ask, and I don't want to do it over email. So yes maybe it will hurt. But I am brave and I can handle it. It will be interesting.
early forties, straight.
the guys: Ren - husband; Curlz - bf of 2 years, Brig - bf of 7 months; Knight - non-sexual bf; MrBrown - it's complicated
Ren's girls: Lou - gf of 2 years, Liz - very new gf