View Single Post
Old 12-11-2013, 08:37 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,968

Know what? Could keep it simple.

You could apologize for sleeping with BF. At the moment it happened the standing agreement was (monosexual with the GF only.) So you broke agreement.

The fact that before it happened you were feeling the old agreement no longer fit? Well, could deal with that next. These old agreements? No longer fit your needs.

You have tried to bring it up. When you did? She did not do her part of engaging in healthy conversation and healthy conflict resolution:

I agreed we could work together on her jealousy and I would abstain from sex with anyone else. I begrudgingly agreed but did it because she seemed to be having a really hard time and I care about her. I thought a month or two was reasonable, but any time we tried to talk about it it caused a huge fight. It became one of those things you walk on eggshells about because it's so difficult and impossible.
Now she is avoiding disclosing what she would like in the long run. This blocks clear communication:

She has refused to admit what she wants in the long run, which is why we've had all this turbulence. It's hard to know what's right and what's going to work if I don't have a basis for her wants and needs. I need to know if our relationship goals are going to align and where compromises can be made to make this work. But I can't read her mind.
Yep. You are not a mind reader.

Right now she is not participating in tending to her own shared relationship. She is stonewalling.

You could call her on it, and request she be present and attend to her side of the shared relationship. Talk to you because you cannot be a mind reader. If she continues to block clear communication so you can both assess the health of the relationship and where it wants to go next?

Then you could move forward without her.
  • Could tell her you will no longer be honoring old agreements that no longer fit you.
  • You cannot be making new agreements if she refuses to talk.
  • Since she will not tell you what her preferences are for the long run for future shared relationship and negotiate with you? You cannot assume there IS a shared future.
  • So the only conclusion is you move on. Because you cannot be in relationship with someone who isn't actually participating in the shared relationship.

Hurts, painful, but really, really simple.

It is in the word "relationship." If there is no back and forth relating going on? There's no two-sided relationship here.

I'm sorry you endure this.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-11-2013 at 08:42 AM.
Reply With Quote