Originally Posted by Monogamish1
When I am remind of P loving me it is harder to stay n the mindframe of "I am alone" and makes me long for him. I don't want to hurt and feel lonely.
Knowing "I am alone" and feeling lonely are two different things... I'd rather keep forcing myself to feel empty. and simply try to enjoy the times he is with me *when* he is with me.. if that makes any sense..
I tend to vacillate between "I am independent superwoman and don't need anyone" and "where the hell is (my) P?!?!" so I think I kind of understand this. When P is here, it's nice to let him deal with the wood stove, splitting wood, all that. When he's not, I can shift myself into "I can do ANYTHING BY MYSELF" mode (even if I fail horribly) and distance myself from him by doing so... which sucks when he calls when I'm in one of those moods and it's all munged together at that point.
It's as though when I'm alone, I have to put myself in the mindset of "I'm alone, goddammit, and I don't need anyone", and that doesn't really seem all that healthy... more like building a wall. I know I'm working on rebuilding my own independence, and it's a work in progress, but SHEESH.
Anyway... no point to my reply except that at times, I'm right there with you.
Mono. Divorced, 2 kids (DanceGirl
), 2 cats, 1 house, many projects.
My partner. Poly, divorced, 2 kids.
Chops' other partner, Poly. In a relationship with Shaggy
Noa, City, CheeseGirl, Curls:
In relationships with Chops
Poly, in a relationship with Xena, ex of Bunny
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