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Old 12-11-2013, 03:30 AM
Tigergirl Tigergirl is offline
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 32
Default Do I tell my partner what my metamour said?

To preface this, we are in a closed Vee, and both my metamour and I have equal status with our shared partner. We have both been dating him almost equal amounts of time and neither of us live with him- he sees us generally the same amount of time. My relationship with my metamour has been rather rocky, usually caused by her insecurities.

Anyway, here's the issue: The other night I went out for drinks with a few others from our kink community. A woman I'm just beginning to be friendly with who knows all three of us asked how close I am with my metamour. I answered, "Not very, why?" She reported to me that at another social gathering a couple months ago, my metamour made an antisemitic comment and it offended a lot of people there. I was a bit taken aback, but not all that surprised- my metamour tends to lack social graces and I assumed she said something ignorant more than intentional. Then my friend told me what she said- "Jewish men tend to be date rapists." I was pretty shocked- definitely no way I could defend that!! Everybody who heard this was also shocked and said that made them uncomfortable to be around her. Then I was questioned about if she said stuff like that often- not to my knowledge, we don't spend much time together though, and she has made one ignorant/racist comment about Indian people in front of me (which I promptly said something about at the time). I was also questioned regarding if our mutual partner knew she said stuff like that and if he was okay with it- the vibe being that people would not want to spend time with him if that was the case. As far as my knowledge goes, he doesn't talk like that, but I don't know if she speaks like that in front of him and how he feels about it. People seemed like they were ready to assume knowledge on his part as her partner and to shun him as well, without any conversation with him. Do I bring this up with him? I feel like he has a right to know if people are thinking badly about him because of his association with her- but I also don't want to come off like I'm tattling on her and trying to start trouble, especially since I wasn't there for the initial comment and the context was very vague. (According to my friend, it literally came out of nowhere.). Thoughts?
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