too many replies
ok, so as for the "basket case" reference, shes been previously admitted to a mental ward in the past, is taking meds off and on (currently off), and has wild mood swings. we personally haven't seen them, but her actions are indicative of mental instability. i have been in the same boat, and understand what comes with being with someone like that. its not easy, and it takes a lot more work than if being with someone that didn't have those problems. that's all i meant.
as for the deal breaker with her being with me, and not hubs. weve progressed so far with her, together, that we both have feelings for her. the way i took it was that shes not exactly into hubs, or attracted him, and i know he felt the same way because his aura changed. he was obviously upset, and rightfully so. shes alluded that she wants to be with both of us, but because of the boyfriend (more on that situation in a second) and it would take a while, which is normal and healthy i think. but yes, it wouldn't be an idyllic situation as we are a unit, and would feel weird dating separately, at least right now. if that's something we can talk about and get to at some point, then that's fine. but it will be something that we would have to process about.
now on to the boyfriend.
that night she was on her phone texting him through out our date night, and pretty much said that he was sleeping in her bed while she was out, so she went home to him, we go to bed, wake up entirely too early, and i see all these messages about how she broke up with her boyfriend, and that it wasn't us that caused it, but shes back and forth with it was a good decision, to it was a bad one breaking up with him. im not sure how we stand in this whole thing, of if she even thinks about us. the thing with her, shes sooooo hard to get to communicate, and i understand that, but i feel like were in the dark, and just some sort of in between fun time, she has when things aren't going right.
and yes, there was all these wonderful things about her, like fate led us to her, we knew the same people, same doctors, little things that were like, omg, i didn't know that, that's amazing. to the more we get to know her, the more we hear about random sexual acts, the boyfriend thing, her self esteem, a lot of little things are adding up to be a lot of turmoil for us. we never were seeking a "unicorn" and i freaking hate that term, we were looking for a fun time, and in turn found an amazing woman that needs some guidance, and love.
i really don't like it when people assume that our expectations are too high, and that what we want is unrealistic. we don't know what exactly we are looking for, this may or may not work out with this woman, but its been a learning experience, so we know what to do next time, or what not to do. and for that im thankful, but you can go off and tell someone they have all these unrealistic expectations when you don't know the situation, or the people. everyone is new to poly at some point in their life, this is ours.
ill try anything once, twice if I like it.