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Old 04-01-2010, 01:40 PM
findingme findingme is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 6
Default Trying to get it right


I think I'm mostly looking for some comfort with this as there are very few people I am able to talk to about this.

I have been in a good relationship for several years and I know we are both very much in love with each other. Ever since we started in this relationship he has always said that he has to be in a relationship where poly is an option should he meet someone else that is special enough. I agreed to this because I absolutely agree with the ideas and concept of it, so of course I said that it was something I agreed with. As the relationship developed, I became less certain about this and at one point I said (I think we had been drinking and I don't remember making this comment) that he can have someone else, but that I wouldn't want to know about it as I know that I can also be quite jealous and insecure about myself. This wasn't entirely true, but he took it to heart.
So four months ago he found someone else that he loves. He didn't tell me, but that hurt him because it's not how he wants things to work. A month ago he decided that he wanted it out in the open and told me. I said that it is ok, but it would take me some time to adjust as it is something I want to be able to work and to happen, but I have to admit that I am still struggling a lot with it. I am getting better with it, but still regularly have confidence problems in myself. I am going out for coffee regularly with his new girlfriend, and she's an amazing girl that I get on with. She also has a complicated situation where she has a husband and baby that don't get it, so I know they get very little time together, especially as we live in a village like community where gossip spreads like wild fire.
To add to the complication of NRE, this being the first time we've tried and words being easier than actions, we also have a time pressure. We are moving very soon and it is not likely that he will get to see her much, or even at all, after the move. They are very much in love, and want to get all the time together that they can, and I know would really love to be able to have some physical time together. I'm still struggling with the idea of them kissing and thinking about each other in that way, but I really want to be able to give him that time. I don't really know how to move on from this and get used to it, and find that it consumes my thoughts so much that we don't have proper conversations together any more as he gets frustrated with it being there all the time (which I understand, but don't seem to be able to help talking about anything else).
Sorry this is such a long, complex post, but I'm not entirely sure where to move from here. If anyone has been in a similar situation it would be lovely to hear from you.

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