I think if you want to avoid cheaters, you have to be ready to let them go when you find out they're cheating. My ethics matter to me, but I refuse to run a full background check on everyone I'm interested in. I refuse to do DADT, and if we're only meeting at night under a certain bridge wearing disguises, be prepared to be shown the door. Once might be kinky, but twice it's just weird. I know that some cheaters are brazen and lead double lives. I suspect they'd either feel kinship or jealously/possessiveness finding out I'm poly. If I'm not clever enough to recognize it when it starts, I hope I'm strong enough to end it when I need to.
Over the summer I started speaking to this guy who assured me he was poly. We talked on a daily basis. Initially he told me he had a girlfriend and that they'd recently broken up, and I told him I was casually seeing two people. Through a third party I learned that the breakup only lasted about two weeks [girlfriend of two years]. We started talking right around the breakup, and continued for 2+ months. I ended communication immediately. To me it sets a pattern that I really don't want to see continued.
I suspect that my favorite mister was cheating on his wife for the greater part of our relationship. He told me almost everything, and told her nothing. The idea was that she didn't want to know. We used to meet up in their house sometimes, but in time I learned that she never knew I was there. When I finally met her 3 years into our relationship things started to crumble a bit. We let some things slip out that she didn't know about, and she flipped. I honestly don't know if she was OK with it because I never saw them again. Months after that last meeting I ended the relationship because it was causing me too much grief. I don't know if he was cheating, and I'm in no mood find out. My only crime was being too naive back then.
Edit: I should add that it really isn't as black and white as my response implies with my favorite mister. He's still one of the best people I've known. If he cheated, I understand but I'm no means do I condone it.
Bisexual woman in my 20s. Solo and dating.
I have a play partner Kanga
Last edited by ICanBeStunning; 12-09-2013 at 09:36 AM.
Reason: edit to fix leading post