Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
I'm wondering if you were being honest with yourself (or if he was being honest with you, or even if he was being honest with himself) about what his feelings and intentions with others actually were. Is it possible that what he actually desired was full romantic relationships with these people, and that the perceived failure to tell others he wanted platonic was actually a failure to tell you that he wanted more than platonic?
I've been honest to myself and to him throughout. When I began feeling monogamish, I disclosed it immediately.
As for P, I have questioned, and asked him, if he was being honest with himself. Encouraged him to evaluate what he really wants in relationship(s) and for his future. When actions do not mirror words (not being blatantly clear to others what he was telling me about not seeking other relationships, failing to offer even the least bit of reassurances), I could only wonder if he was not being honest to me, himself, and/or the others. He verbally tells me his desire to be with only me has not changed, and gets immensely upset if I even suggest that he has acted in a deceptive manner.
When he finally did get around to telling C, he chose to say that he and I were "exploring our relationship" rather than we were planning a commitment ceremony and that he was not seeking more than platonic friendship with her. And even with that, he did not then come back to me to reassure me that he had spoken to her.
When someone I love needs reassurance that requires action on my part, I do the action and let them know I have done it. If I am unwilling to do it or want a compromise, I let them know and negotiate. Keeping silent and not taking any action led me to question even further his intentions - If it truly were platonic without wanting to mislead, in my mind it should have been easy to be blatantly honest and then reassure me.
But I digress. My heart wants what it wants. I love him no less because what he wants and what I want do not mesh. I don't want a "manageably unhappy" life. I want him to be happy and I want me to be happy.
If I stay, he will be happy and I will be miserable at least half time.
If I truly end it, we will both be very unhappy for the short term. We both carried a torch for each other for over two decades once already from when we first & it will always ache - the space he occupies in my heart will always be his. I would rather be alone with the potential of having someone who complements (and compliments) me the way P does who can provide that anchor primary relationship. Unless or until I "get over" P enough to move on, anyone who comes along would be a shallow replacement or even worse, a rebound relationship. I'll keep journaling in my blog here until I reach a point where I'm ready to leave him or come to accept feeling like crap and decide to try again with him.
Thanks all for perspectives.