"You have hit the nail on the head but unfortunately she is not even slightly receptive. I have let her go and am coming to terms with her anger towards me although I hold no grudge against her. I feel bad that I brought her into this not really understanding myself but I cannot undo the past"
In my case- we had been separated for quite a while. We had already accepted that we were not in a relationship any more. I had taken my time to consider this as being a lifestyle choice for me and I was confident that I was committed to this lifestyle completely. After introducing him to the idea of polyamory, he took some time to consider it. For us, it didn't happen over night. I have said this recently on my blog. One of the most important things for me has been patience.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.