First of all thank you for the kind, thoughtful responses. It's interesting and relieving that the responses I have recieved are somewhat varied even though the general consenus is the same.
I don't if maybe I didn't make myself clear, but I dont feel that my husband has "made" me feel any way, nor that I think he's trying to hurt me or neglect our relationship on purpose. I do feel that, at times, (which he readily admits) that he tends to hear what he wants and what is positive in his mind, instead of the problem. He also is very good at projecting his own feelings into others where I'm better at reading other's emotions and protecting/reacting to them (which I admit fully, is my cross to bear.) Here is an example:
Me: Yay! NRE! I know I would be upset if someone flaunted this or talked about it constantly, so I'll tone it down, especally if I'm with another partner that I care about because my time with them is their time.
Him: Yay! NRE! I'm happy so everyone else must be happy and happy for me. Therefore I must share this happiness all the time. What? You want to talk about something else? But I'm HAPEEEE!
In different scenerios, either outlook can work, but in this scenerio its not the best imo.
As I said we are honest to a fault, so we've had countless talks about this. I've told him what I needed (quality time that is Lana free, recently no relationship advice about Lana and attempts to try new things with me that I find interesting to re-create a bond). There are things that I agreed to do as well to smooth the tension but so far I feel that I have made attempts, where he has not. At this point, of course, I have a choice whether to wait it out, or not deal with it, and leave.
After I made this post I felt a bit of relief just getting it out there. I then asked myself, "If Lana was not in the picture and I was getting treated in this manner, would I feel the same way?" I wasn't really able to answer that questions fully, but it did put things in perspective. I think when it comes down to it, one of the main issues I have is that there were things that were dealbreakers to him in our relationship that are suddenly not dealbreakers to her in their relationship. I feel upset and hurt by this. Or that he was asking me for advice about her and their relationship constantly and after talking to me (which he had said he appreciates) he was able to be with her and be happy (which, duh, I want him to be happy), while I felt I was stuck with with the job of mentor/teacher when I'd rather be the wife that has fun and has quality time with her husband. Again, its a moot point now since I have asked that he utulitize a friend for that, which he agreed to.
Anyway, whether behavior continues or fades out, I know I am responsible for how I deal with it.
Cast of Characters:
- Hi, that's me.
Mid 30's, Bi, Poly.
- My partner of ten years, legal husband of two. Mid 30's, Straight, Polywog (for now).
- My boyfriend of one year. Late 20's, straight, also new to poly. Has no other partner at this time.
- Allen's girlfriend of a few months. Early 20's, Bi, New to poly as well. Is married, but husband is unaware of other relationship(s).