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Old 12-08-2013, 12:10 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
Posts: 201

Welcome, Greg. I think you'll find that this forum can be a great resource for you, although there's a lot to sift through.

For me it's been incredibly valuable to be able to be exposed to so many different ways that people makes their lives and relationships work. I was initially very skeptical of the idea of polyamory; despite the fact that I cheated several times in my marriage, I subscribed to the view that one partner should fill all emotional/romantic/sexual needs. Even when I transitioned to staying married but also having a additional partner that my husband knew about, I still tended to be be pretty dogmatic in my relationship views, i.e., it wasn't a "real" relationship unless certain conditions were met. Not surprisingly, my bf had different (also largely unvoiced) wishes and expectations. Reading here of other people's relationship struggles and processes has helped me to better recognize how each of us was being guided by assumptions that we hadn't been forced to challenge before, but that were now getting in our way. It helped both to read of those who shared feelings that I did - indirect validation, I guess - but also to see that those feelings were not universal.

Along those lines, you might find some of the posts on relationship anarchy interesting as well as those on divorce and opening up.

There's also a degree of openness here - rawness even - that I at least do not encounter in most of my "real world" relationships. For me it's been a useful reminder of how much other people are struggling in their relationships, even though I may not see it. It's awfully easy to assume that it's just my own relationship(s) that are challenging or seem flawed, when in fact a lot of the underlying issues are pretty universal.

Your comment of "I brought her into this not understanding myself" resonates with me, as I did the same. And yet we (or I, anyway) often don't even recognize the extent to which we don't understand. You sound though like you are making good progress on understanding (and accepting) yourself and being able to communicate how you feel, and I expect that will be a great help to you in moving forward.

Good luck!!
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