If anyone has a problem with any of my opinions of what people should do, kindly follow the helpful link in my signature.
Dana, my opinion remains the same. Obviously, your husband isn't trustworthy and doesn't respect you. Nothing can move forwards until that changes and I definitely feel making new relationships (ie polyamory) is not advisable until the situation is remedied and he is no longer being a disrespectful, untrustworthy partner. You guys are adults and it is up to you if you want to continue a romantic relationship despite this fundamental discord but it's the kind of negativity that other people quite unintentionally get pulled into and affected by. For that reason I am strongly feel that people in already dysfunctional relationships (I fail to see how a relationship can function in the absence of trust and respect) should be incredibly mindful of how their choice to become involved with others can cause those others harm.
I stand by everything I said about his ED, fluid bonding and all that, but that can only happen if you don't have reason to distrust your partner. You do. And my opinion is that if you want to have a chance of a happy marriage with trust and respect, the dyad should be your sole focus at the moment and other relationships should take a back seat. Especially as his other relationships were the cause of the distrust to begin with.