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Old 12-08-2013, 07:02 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
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Originally Posted by Brianne View Post
When they fight, I seem to be the referee.
This statement concerns me, and might serve as a flag to let you know that something is breaking down in how you are relating to your partner.

A person cannot be a referee between a couple unless they choose to allow themselves to be there. So you are putting yourself in this situation and if that is not good for you then you need to stop doing that to yourself.

Originally Posted by Brianne View Post
He's even turned down sex with me because he was planning on having sex with her later that night and didn't want to be disrespectful. When I bring this up, Allen says that our relationships are different, ours is set in stone and nothing can change it, and theirs is new and fresh and exciting (NRE, duh) and I'm just overreacting.
Similar to the situation of being a referee between them, you might consider the type of information being passed to you from your partner. I know the desire for a lot of people is to have a totally open-book relationship where EVERY passing thought is shared... but in practice that is not always positive.

Saying "Not tonight honey" is always perfectly fine. ALWAYS.
Saying "Not tonight honey, I'm going to shag my younger, hotter babe girlfriend tonight and I want to make sure I am ready to perform" might be ok... in the totally open-book relationship... if everyone involved can handle brutal and naked honesty at all times.

Since this is rarely the case, people should look to be a bit more realistic about the information they volunteer to expose themselves to; certainly since hubby doesn't seem to take your feelings very seriously. "You are just overreacting" might need to be followed with "That might be true, so in the future just leave off information about your sex life unless explicitly requested"

Originally Posted by Brianne View Post
I say just because you have a new seeding to water, it doesn't mean you stop watering the 20 year old tree. My needs seem to be minimised.
Relationships fluctuate over time. This happens for any number of reasons, including taking on a new lover. There are different schools of thought about the responsibilities of maintaining multiple relationships, but I for one prefer to look at them as entirely independent from one another.

That is, if you are getting less of X from your husband and you want to keep as much X in your life as you can... then figure out how to positively encourage his giving it to you. The fact that he has a girlfriend seems to be influencing how much X he gives you doesn't get you very far... it's better to focus on how to fix it than identifying a good scapegoat. Also, an important thing to keep in mind is that you may not be able to entice him to give you any more X. Sometimes we just don't get the things we want and that is perfectly fine.

Originally Posted by Brianne View Post
I feel that because they have good sexual chemistry that he is willing to overlook her behaviors at times and the fact that I'm damn near begging for time that's not constanty about him and Lana.
Good for them.

I can't offer you any comfort but this, you are entirely in control of how you emotionally respond to this situation. Being envious of someone getting something you want is perfectly normal, but it's not something you want guiding your emotional state and CERTAINLY not your actions.
Me: male, 40, straight, single
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