When is it NRE and when is it something else?
I've been with my husband (Allen) over ten years and married for two. I would describe our relationship as loving and honest to a fault but not overly sexual due to a medical condition on my part. While we had shared a lover in the past (one time), our relationship is new to poly (he's brand new, I'm not). When I met my bf (Lee) last year I kept my NRE to a minimum around him out of respect because I knew he was new to this and honestly, while everything was open and communicated honestly, when I was with Allen, I was with HIM and I wanted my focus to be on him and our relationship.
Allen recently met a woman who he wanted a relationship with. I introduced them actually. I can honestly say I was happy they connected sexually as well as emotionally. Lana is younger, but smart. I like her, but honestly she's not the most honest person. She admits this and says she is working on being a better person. I believe this.
Recently, something changed. I feel like I'm not getting the physical and emotional attention from Allen that I used to. All our conversations seem to be about her. When they fight, I seem to be the referee. He's even turned down sex with me because he was planning on having sex with her later that night and didn't want to be disrespectful. When I bring this up, Allen says that our relationships are different, ours is set in stone and nothing can change it, and theirs is new and fresh and exciting (NRE, duh) and I'm just overreacting. I say just because you have a new seeding to water, it doesn't mean you stop watering the 20 year old tree. My needs seem to be minimised.
I know I'm probably leaving things out, but am I overreacting? I've never been a jealous person, but I find myself feeling that way. I don't want him to stop seeing her, and I would never ask, but I feel that because they have good sexual chemistry that he is willing to overlook her behaviors at times and the fact that I'm damn near begging for time that's not constanty about him and Lana. I've spoken about this to one of our friends who knows the situation and hes noticed some of the same behaviors, but also does not understand poly ( is just a supporter.)
So wise hive poly-minds, please lend me your advice and comfort if possible.