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Old 12-08-2013, 03:02 AM
Dana Dana is offline
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 46

"Again, if Dana wants to save her marriage, she should look at ways to start having sex with her husband again."

Sex was the least of the marital problems and is not the appropriate starting point. I made no ultimatums. I made a choice for myself.

As for female condoms, I use them with my male partner now. They work very well. If my husband was similarly willing to use them with others, he certainly could. He never offered it as an option. It was initially presented to me as an all or nothing deal. While I could assume the level of risk he presented for myself, I could NOT do so on behalf of my other partners. By engaging in a sexual relationship with him without protection, I would be relegating myself to never having unprotected sex with anybody. My other partners have been adamant about this. His main partner in recent years has a history of unprotected and random sex with virtual strangers. She is a wild card and this was my deal breaker.

And before you judge too harshly and make accusations about my relative level of effort in repairing this relationship, I would add that this man, after nearly 25 years together announced to me one day that he has been "poly" for the past 15 years and has engaged in nearly a dozen sexual relationships, all of them without protection, and all of them without my knowledge. I have spent the last several years on a journey of my own. I have taken more steps in his direction than most could have and came to have an independent appreciation for poly. However, what he was doing was NOT poly. I feel incredibly grateful that I did not contract an STD and that my own capacity to enjoy healthy sexual relationships in the future was not taken away. I'd rather like to keep it that way.
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