I dated a couple guys who were cheaters or DADT guys, back when I was first single and figuring dating and poly out.
One sort of put off telling his wife, even though they were poly. One had a mentally ill and non sexual wife. One had a wife who was just nearly asexual but wouldnt agree to letting him get his needs met elsewhere.
I dont talk to the first guy anymore, because she put her foot down, all he could do was have casual sex with other men. She could have bfs and so could he, and that was that. Bleh.
2nd guy, he sure didnt just want sex. He really needed close and healing human contact, as well as sex. But he was always guilt ridden and I got tired of his situation. Good news is that, once we stopped seeing each other, he and his wife did open the relationship. He now has a gf and a bf. He's been sniffing around me too, but I am no longer interested.
3rd guy finally worked some things out with his wife. Somehow she ignited her libido to an extent, they are more intimate now, still not open. He seems fairly content.
So, since my earlier days in poly, I only date poly people, preferably experienced ones. Cheaters hold no attraction for me. I need people who have the jealousy thing worked out, if not perfectly, at least handled with a minimum of fuss. They also have a handle on NRE and time sharing and sexual/kink matters.
Lately, I am not really dating much. I have 2 partners who meet my criteria, just by being very choosy and not settling for less.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 60) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 38) since January 2009, living together since 2013
also loving Punk (monogamish, 42, M) since Oct 2015
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 2 years