And you are either totally missing this point our conveniently ignoring it.
Do not bring anyone into your life whether you're poly or mono until you're life is at a stable point. Going through a break up, divorce, or any other stressful time is NOT the time to begin new relationships.
Forget about dating or poly until then.
If you do not want the advice of those experienced in Polyamory and quite frankly successful long term relationshipa them don't listen to our advice. Hell my advice would be the same to a monogamous person.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 50/50 split of time between my two husbands.