Thanks Dagferi but I don't think you are getting what I am looking for here, it's comradery and understanding about what its like to explore this new part of myself. Its easy to feel like no one else has gone through this before even when you know its not true, that's why I am here.
I know I need to not drag things out and am not doing so. Those bandaids can be pretty sticky though and sometimes it takes a couple showers before you get all of that residue off. I am standing firm but I disagree that she does not deserve more than 'it's over' after 9 years together as of this winter.
I appreciate the information on how hard it was on your marriage and that's what I would expect and we were not on solid footing before this so I really don't think it would improve anything.