Originally Posted by Firelight
I think this is the core of my issue. He asked for space to let her figure it out and he said that it would be okay in the end. Just be patient. I respected that. Then a week later, he calls me telling me that he had to make a choice and I wasn't it. Not even friendship. Even though he was making the call, it felt like she was the one calling. Not him. It felt like he was being manipulated. Forcing him to take responsibility for the break up when he wasn't the one actually doing it. A passive aggressive move on her part? The whole thing felt strange. He said he was sad & discouraged it wasn't going to work. You are are absolutely correct. Hard to accept when it wasn't really my partner breaking up with me.
a good lesson I learned from this relationship. Agreed.
I was in a very similar situation - except that our relationship was actually encouraged by the wife - until she suddenly changed her mind completely, and there was no negotiating. We lived together. She gave him ultimatums time and again, but he would never choose. However, each fight between them resulted in requirements that he pull further and further away from me. She finally asked me to leave herself. He let me go and tried to make their marriage work for the sake of their children, but their marriage ultimately did not survive. They were married 15 years.
Because I lived with them, I was privy to the complete and constant emotional hell he was subjected to. I actually did not see how he withstood it. At times I wanted to leave hoping it would end his pain, but he always asked that I stay. I would be willing to bet that your guy is dealing with something similar. I am not saying it forgives how he treated you (I am betting he feels very guilty about it, because my guy did and he stood his ground and refused to choose), but you probably do not have a full picture of the emotional anguish to which she subjected him.