Moving out to salvage my relationship
This is my first post here and I'm sorry to say it's not really a good one.
I'm newish to poly. I've been in my current poly relationship for 3+ years now. It has also been my first. We are a V sometimes triad, live in. My partners are married to each other and have a young daughter. I've been with them since shortly before she was born. I have occasional outside play partners but nothing other than that. I also don't have much of a support system IRL. Most of my poly friends I met through my partners.
My boyfriend and I fell in love very, very quickly and NRE has transitioned into a very strong (I thought) and loving relationship.
My girlfriend is another story. She is and has been very distant the entire time that I have known her. She prefers her fantasy life of fanfiction and LARPing to myself, her husband, or her daughter. I've given up trying to connect on anymore than a superficial level because I just don't think she is capable of it.
She plays at being a girlfriend, or wife, or mother in the same way she plays characters in a LARP.
This is causing problems. Lots of them. Started out small but have built up over time, and now I don't feel that I can live in their house anymore. We are open to our families, and friends but not to the world at large. I live in their house, share their bed, help take care of their child and home...but I will never be an equal in their relationship. I had hoped that things would balance out given time...but they aren't. And I'm tired of waiting.
I told my boyfriend that I would be moving out after the holidays. I won't leave earlier, so as not to upset their young daughter. My boyfriend says he knows he has been selfish trying to keep me here, without any intention of changing.
I still have very strong feelings for him, and he for me. I would like to be able to still salvage some form of relationship with him, even though I understand that it will be drastically different than it is now.
Is this foolish of me? Has anyone successfully transitioned a relationship like this? Or should I just be cutting my losses before we can't stand the sight of each other?