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Old 03-31-2010, 05:40 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Sorry to be blunt and maybe seem a bit insensitive but from my perspective it looks as though your girlfriend has a problem with honesty. I'll be devil's advocate and question whether she is just using the word "poly" to fuck who ever, whenever she wants.

There is always the option of repeatedly trying to make it work, but if deceptive behaviour repeats itself then eventually you've got to consider that maybe you are being used. If that is the case, look after yourself, there's better out there.
I'll key off Mono's focus on the honesty.
Although he brings up legitimate possibilities (intentional/delusional) I'll try to put in the other possibility. Maybe a more positive perspective ?

Remember that when trying to alter ourselves into a form that's comfortable with loving many, there's a lot of old programming we have to unearth and shed.
Honesty (or lack of) is just one more of them.
From the time we are children we learn that we get to have our cake and eat it too by lying or hiding things from those we feel would interfere in our quest for happiness. It's deeply ingrained in us by the time we are 20 yrs old.
The big paradigm shift occurs when we realize HOW deeply that behavior is ingrained in us ! We often don't see it - lie to ourselves. Having that truth surface and doing full scale battle with it is one of the most beneficial things we can do. Ignore relationships, poly, mono, business, whatever. It's a battle for PERSONAL integrity. The building of a good night's sleep with the one person we will lay down with every night the rest of our life.
It changes us.

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