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Old 03-31-2010, 05:22 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by lovebird13 View Post
Everyone has been so warm here. I feel somewhat numb right now. Yesterday he said hi DID NOT accept the end of out intimacy and today he texted saying he did. The hard part is...I know they are making decisions as a couple. I never get to know what the discussions look like. I don't see that he is an independent man masking these decisions on his own. They now present a united front that I either accept or not. It's makes me feel like a child. My imput has never been asked for. Maybe that is as it should be. I am the 'stranger' coming in.
Yea Lovebird it's a hard position to be in.
Some people react very negatively and even violently to this role because it seems so unfair. There's that early time when we "come in" to an existing relationship where we can't help but feel like the "outsider". We'd want/wish for that role to go away ASAP. In reality however it takes time - and that time varies with the individuals and the dynamic.

If any of us can help these situations it's maybe by spreading knowledge and hopefully raising awareness on all sides. Remember (we say it all the time!) this is all soooooo new to most everyone in this culture. We have few role models to observe and stumble and fumble as we go. If everyone considering poly relationships knew that you have to ease your way into the water and that everyone's feelings were very vulnerable during that period then maybe dialog would be more frequent and deeper. But for most - we get swept up in all the emotions, NRE, new sexual chemistry etc and totally forget that there's a LOT more that needs to come with it for it to last.
If you can pursue that, and hang on, it's worth it.

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