I don't like strict primary-secondary models. He knew this when we first met. The way HE perceived their relationship was that they were primary in the sense that their relationship gets the most time, attention, and devotion. That everything will be dropped, temporarily, when there is a crisis with the other. Other than that, their time was supposed to be their own to do with what they pleased and develop relationships that fit around the schedule they already had with each other, work, school, family, etc.
The way SHE seems to use the term secondary is that it is a relationship purely for fun, with no needs. If a date is made and cancelled, a secondary has no right to be upset or sad because - hey, they're only a secondary, not a real partner with feelings!
So... Yeah. I don't see myself making that mistake again. I understand a relationship getting a certain level of preferential treatment because of how involved lives get, but I do NOT understand or agree with treating someone like they aren't important because the love is new or they are simply new to the equation.
He and I will never have a romantic relationship again. It's not an option - for me personally because I would never put myself through that stuff again or for him because she would never allow it. The only way this would change would be if their relationship ended. Even then... He allowed someone else to dictate who he can see. I'm not sure I can really respect him after that.
I care about his happiness. A lot. I am going to try to see if we can be friends of sorts. I don't really expect success. I actually expect myself to reconsider and go the smart route of just moving on completely in a week or so. Gives me a week to wean myself off of the idea that I had in my mind of him being around for a while.