Originally Posted by bookbug
From your description, it sounds as if there is any love involved, then that is not "respecting" their relationship.
If this is true, he will eventually realize it - if he hasn't already. What gets done about probably will be determined by how they are as a couple. If she can't handle it, and they can function as mono, they could close the relationship. But if they cannot, and she can't overcome her insecurities, this will eventually become unsustainable.
This makes sense to me. She started acting weird about us going out when he first said he had strong feelings for me (before he said the word love, but it was an obvious sign it was coming). Then after I said I love him, too, it got significantly worse.
What I don't understand is... She has been seeing a guy for most of the time they've been poly. A man she claims to love deeply. Expecting it to be okay for her to have that kind of relationship yet cutting it off whenever he gets close to really being comfortable with someone else... It just feels icky to me!
I hate that he is in a relationship that I feel is so incredibly unhealthy, yet I don't feel like I have the right to say anything about it, because my only experience with it is as a disliked secondary - not really the best position to get a well-rounded idea of what someone is really like. He knows I think it's unfair. He knows I don't get how she could put him through this. He agrees with me on both counts.