View Single Post
Old 12-06-2013, 09:53 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 498

Originally Posted by westVan View Post
it sucks and hurts for things to end that way but if your still talking, it hasnt really ended.
We're still talking, but mostly just to figure out if it's even feasible to be in each others' lives at this point or not.

I have to ask - what were the fights about?
She was pretty insecure from the beginning. She felt like he wasn't showing her enough attention/love. That he was putting my desires before her feelings. That we were treating each other too much like primaries instead of what it was - two people feeling the intensity of NRE and trying to curb it as much as possible. Even after we drastically cut down how much we were texting, he didn't see me for two weeks because she "needed" him to stay home (even though she was going out), etc. she didn't feel like he showed her properly that he loves her.

what part of your relationship scared her that she felt the need to veto it?
My guess? The fact that we were in love. What does she say? That I was setting myself up to be another primary and didn't respect their relationship as the most important thing ever. Regardless of my multiple attempts to figure out what she needed to feel like I was respecting her/her relationship with him and the attempts to curb NRE in general mentioned above.

How long have they been poly?
They were open for about 2-3 years. Just opened up to the idea of polyamory and not just sexual experiences about 9 months ago.

has she done this before?
She disapproved of one person he dated and cared about intensely before me. It wasn't LOVE, but it easily could have been if they had more time. The other woman was monogamous, though, so an actual veto wasn't used. He realized that it wasn't going to work long term and ended it.

There was also once when they were just open to sexual things that he started to fall for someone. He completely cut her out of his life (willingly after his primary pointed out the emotional attachment he was developing since that wasn't part of the arrangement at the time), and regrets it to this day.

does she know you are still talking every day?
Since there has still been a touch of interaction in public spheres like facebook... She should be very aware of it. I haven't straight out asked him, but he isn't one to hide the fact that he is trying to figure out how to adjust to meet her demands.
Reply With Quote