Thank you so much for the empathy and advice.
This guy was my second in my poly adventures. My first was a 2 year brought relationship with a young guy who really want to be mono and therefore, had a lot of resentment toward me. I fell for my married guy because in the beginning he was SO emotionally available. He emailed constantly and communicated well. The "sex" was great, but short -lived.
I have met some of his friends. The truth is that he is hiding his real self and emotions from everyone. Obviously, he somehow wants to stop that behavior because he chose ME - someone very open and emotional, but when it go too intense he backed off (even as friends).
You are totally right through, if I talk to him, I am enabling him in a sense. I hope he figures it out. I sure love him, and I'm worth it!