View Single Post
Old 12-06-2013, 03:50 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,153

Originally Posted by bofish View Post
I've been going through this thing where 60-70% of the men who contact me are married. This happened even when I expressly ask for no married men. I generally try dating on cupid or craigslist.

Does this happen to other women a lot? How do you avoid these men? Are you ever tempted to get involved? Where do you meet folks?

I know someone said married men come onto to women all the time, but honestly, for reasons in my blog, this is the first time i've dated and absolutely the first time I internet dated (I was married before my first computer!)

Also, if you have dated a cheater, can you ever be friends?
Yup, what you are experiencing is pretty normal for women doing online dating. It's hard to stop them reaching out to you entirely. Plastering your account with 'NO CHEATERS - YOUR SPOUSE MUST KNOW' will often just be ignored and they will contact you anyway.

So I do the ol' ignore and delete routine. I don't respond. If they get annoying, as in send multiple messages, I block them. If they get whiny or pissy, I block. I never respond or tell them why. It's not worth it. Some people find this rude but given the volume of these types of messages many women get, who has time for that?

There are threads here that talk about online dating. A tag search might be in order. You would probably find them helpful.

Most of the time I am not tempted. Occasionally I feel sympathy for people who may be in truly bad situations. But I have a rather rigid rule about this, even if I am sympathetic. It's not worth the potential issues for me. Generally, while there can be exceptions, I believe openness is the default better option. So if someone can't or won't go the open route - as in SO knows and approves - I won't join them in DADT, or cheating, or whatever flavor of non-ethical non-monogamy they want. (I group DADT as non-ethical non-monogamy because it is so hard to do ethically and sensitively. It tends towards the clusterfuck IMHO so I clump it with the outright cheaters. Others have very different views on DADT.) I can't stop them and I don't expect my refusal to have any impact on them at all. But my personal limit is non-ethical non-monogamy. I just won't go there. It makes my life so much simpler.

As to being friends, I suppose so? Anything is possible.

Last edited by opalescent; 12-06-2013 at 03:53 PM. Reason: clarity
Reply With Quote