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Old 07-04-2009, 05:06 PM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,991

Ok...back to finishing my thoughts,

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I find it interesting your views on our poly meetings mono.... I find that they really are following a group mentality. we have some strong players in that group,
Yes. Yes we do...and they are very vocal and take a lot of air time during discussions. But just because someone's loud, doesn't mean they're right...or that there isn't other views. When it's the only view being expressed, others who agree will feel more comfortable about speaking up in agreement. They also claim some experience in poly so I think some newer people in the community will tend to defer to them.
That doesn't mean there aren't other opinions...they're just probably held by those who aren't as vocal at the meetings.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I wonder if she has ever experienced the all consuming nature of really being in love. I certainly have with mono to the point where the thought of being intimate with anyone else seems shocking and unnatural. even with my husband... never mind any of my other intimate friends. Her opinion has definitely influenced our group!
She may...she may not. She's also young and has time. There's plenty of people who experience love and relationships in different ways...and it doesn't matter if we're talking about poly or mono circles.
Some people fall hard, fast, and repeatedly with different people all the time...dumping the current whenever they start getting too comfortable. Similar thing with NRE junkies. Some people prefer the slow burning match...some it depends on the circumstance and the people involved. As I think came up in discussion, it can also depend on age, or more importantly, the stage of one's life that they're in. That is very apparent when watching friends who are cronic NRE junkies, serial monogamists, and flash in the pan types who later in life decide to settle down for long term commitment...and many of them seem to have a hard time adjusting to the change. It's not what they're used to.
I guess the overall point of this love, isn't going to be the same as your love. And it doesn't need to be.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I think the group is going through a romance really. We all met about six months ago and kind of dated and got to know each other... now we are going through a bit of a stage where we are on the verge of branching off our attentions to individuals... I'm sure some dates have come out of it and I know some friendships have (with the possibilities of more to follow maybe?).
I'm hoping the group NRE doesn't wear off too soon....we just got there!

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I wonder too if being involved has changed our path? I don't think so but.... really, when it is just us three we do a lot better sometimes... things run more smoothly. But then again there is that dratty thing called "wanting to fit in." I want community and I want to fit in.... I am hoping to find that in our group. Not necessarily with the whole group, but with new friends made from the group....
Community kind of requires involvement, or it ceases to be a community. The upshot of that particular community is that it's small enough that you don't need to fit into it...because the other option is to mold it to fit you. Yes, there's strong personalities with their own very vocal views there. That simply may mean that those of us with a slightly different take on things will have to make sure to share our view as well. It's shouldn't be about group think...especially since as you say, the always-on-free-love life of the 60's is not for everyone....(I'd actually be interested to see if that attitude is as prevalent in other cities, or if it's a side effect of this particular city's old 60's burnout population) If you have your poly way, you should be able to share it as well. Once other voices are may find that you're not as alone in your thoughts as you might think.

I'm sincerely hoping that the group doesn't start breaking up and going it's seperate ways...since that would defeat the purpose of the community. I expect some people will come and go, as they move past the 101 stage. But overall, I'd much prefer the community to stay large, vibrant, and accepting so that others can find the information they're looking for when they decide it's time to look into Poly. It took years for the group to come along...and months before we could attend. I'd hate to think others should miss out on entirely.

My Poly, isn't going to be the same as your Poly. And it doesn't need to be.
But we better be able to talk about it...
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
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