research and email things that "ring true to you" to one another-gives each of you a chance to read it, digest it and then talk.
Maca and I do that A LOT-because then we don't get the "off the cuff" reaction-but the one we REALLY mean.
Also-for setting boundary purposes, the book Opening Up was invaluable to us. The info in there is so/so in regards to having an open or poly relationship. However the lists upon lists of potential things to consider in creating boundary lists were AWESOME conversation starters.
In fact the more OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE OTHER PEOPLE THINK THAT things that we found we both felt that way about-were AWESOME for reminding us that we DO have things that we agreed on ALREADY. That helped ground us a little for discussing the spots were differed on and finding good middle grounds.
"Love As Thou Wilt"