Do I Need to Find a New Boyfriend?
My polyamory is causing my mono boyfriend hurt and me guilt and confusion.
I told him right from the start that I will never be with just one person and he kept wanting to go forward with the relationship. Something I have noticed in dating mono men is that almost all of them think that they will be the one to change me or else they don't really believe that I will still want to be with other people after being with them. I think it's an ego thing. They are always shocked when the realize I meant what I said.
He did agree to have an "open relationship" which I naively thought meant I could still practice my polyamory. He meant that I could sleep with people but not date them. I told him I would be honest about everything because that's one of my rules. So he was mostly (but not completely) okay when I would let him know I had slept with someone. But when I went on a date with someone he was not okay with that at all. Which is when we realized we had a huge miscommunication. So I agreed to cancel the next date I had set up so we could figure this all out first. We have yet to figure it out.
So now my dilemma is I'm in love with this guy and he's in love with me but I am still polyamorous and will always want to keep having other people in my life. As more than just sex, too. Is there a way to work this out? Will I have to just cut my losses? Do mono guys ever really feel okay about their woman's polyamory? It is absolutely NOT an option for me to just "go mono". Believe me, I've tried, countless times, and it has NEVER worked. Also, I refuse to see people on the side and be dishonest about it. I cannot do that. I also cannot bear to keep hurting him! It causes me grief! I love him, but I can't change who I am! What are our options here, realistically?