So I've jumped into the deep end of the pool. Last night I set up a date. It's with a friend/ex-ish. We never really had the ability to do a full relationship with each other. There are too many things missing for it to truly work in its own right but we have always had great affection for each other and a definite chemistry. She isn't 100% sure this is for her but she is 100% aware of the situation! And really in the end, it might just end up being two friends having dinner and nothing more. But I laid it all out to her.
I hadn't planed any of this. Earlier in the day I was trying to think if there was anyone in my past I would consider exploring a possibility with and she came to mind. Now, I wasn't going to act in it. Just letting my mind entertain if it was possible for me. Then she texts me out of the blue for the first time in half a year. So we chat and a little bit of our normal old flirtiness is still there. I had been kind of talking around what's been going on with my GF and me without going into any details. (Yesterday was the first time I actually told one of MY friends about the poly thing.) So I took a leap and told her. We had already talked about getting together again but I asked her (after a incredible amount of awkwardness on my part trying to express what I wanted to say.) if she would be interested in going on a "date" with me. No expectations and clear rules but being open to the possible. We talked a lot about it and neither one of us knows if this is right for us, but we are going to go on a date. It might be too soon but the opportunity presented itself and I went with it.
It was also strange to relay all of this to my GF while in bed last night. Not a bad strange. Just strange. I don't know if bing poly is right for me in the long run, but after some soul searching I think I have to try as well. If it's just me having to adapt to HER I think I might grow bitter. And if it doesn't feel like a fit for me, then I go back to what I do KNOWING that it's not my thing.
It's been a crazy couple of weeks of huge paradigm shifts for me!