Originally Posted by Emm
Because that's the way you've been describing him and your relationship with him; I have only your words to go on. As for the cheating/not cheating side of things, either he gets over it or he doesn't. Personally I don't think he has any right to hold something you did while broken up against you, but emotional responses aren't always logical. You can't change what he feels or how he acts, but it's up to you to decide if you're going to put up with his behaviour and spend the rest of your life apologising for it or not. I wouldn't, but I'm not you.
I don't mind apologizing for it. I just don't want to be punished for it, if that makes sense.
If he wants to pursue other people while making me his primary, I think I can work with that. (I'm sorry if I am making a complete hash of poly philosophy; I am very new to this.) I think I could even be okay with him sewing his wild oats if there's some certainty of him making me a priority or coming back to me.
I am okay with spending a few months, heck, even a year, working to rebuild his trust in me. But in the meantime, I don't want to be punished... When I say punished, I mean him insisting I work on rebuilding trust/the relationship with him putting in no effort whatsoever, because his focus is on other people for a monogamous relationship.
So far as I can tell, he isn't planning on being poly in a long-term or dedicated way (which, for me personally, would be tough but if that's what he wanted, to have me as a primary partner and someone else as a fellow girlfriend, I could come to deal with that.) To me, that feels like he's using me as an option/emotional outlet while testing out other girls. Which means he isn't putting any effort into us. So I'm doing all the work, and everything is on his terms. Heck, it even bothers me at the thought that I'm working on stuff, and the girls he's going out with think he's interested in a relationship, and have no idea I'm in the picture.
He's either lying to me, or lying to them, is my perspective.
I apologize if my thread has kind of gone wandering. I came here really thinking this could be a potentially poly thing. But our latest conversation seems like poly would just be a smokescreen.