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Old 03-31-2010, 03:21 AM
noob noob is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 58
Default UPDATE! I talked to him

and it went...quite well.

He wanted to know what it "meant" that I had these feelings, and I was honest and said "I don't really know what I want out of it, but I want to keep talking to M, and I want to be totally honest with you about the fact that we're talking and that I have these feelings for him."

He was basically, like, "how will this change our relationship on a daily basis?"

And I said..."it might not that much, I don't know. I'm talking to him almost every day now, but you and I are still talking intimately too." He basically said, "Yeah, you're giving me plenty of time" and asked if he could work more on his hobbies

One thing has always been...I need more emotional/intimate/talk/face time than he has ever wanted or been able to happily give. He is just more inward-focused, and likes to work with his hands. So I think he views this as me getting this need met elsewhere, and maybe thinks that will lead to less conflict within our marriage.

Another thing...tonight we were talking about gay male couples we know who are openly non-monogamous and he said, "Yeah, I think if movies didn't show so much about people being jealous of sex and relationships with other people, it wouldn't have to be this huge jealousy thing. That's basically socially conditioned."

So I think he theoretically agrees that non-monogamy could be fine, or even better...but we just have to see where it goes.

I appreciate so much all of your advice and encouragement. If I hadn't found this forum, I might not have realized what I wanted was an "okay" thing to want. We are so conditioned to think "oh, if you really love someone...there will never be another," or "you have to choose," you know?
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