Thread: jealous of sub
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Old 12-05-2013, 05:52 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi Juliana,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliana View Post
What is ok to ask or expect?
Very often, we see people come here and ask some version of that: "What should I tell him/her?" " How do I say it?" "Is it okay that I want such-and-such? "Can I ask for this-and-that?"

Really, just like Dorothy, you had the answers all along... in your post:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliana View Post
I see him less frequently now but he swears his feelings for me haven't changed. I am confused because the sub role and partner role have been different, and I do not know how to handle the shift. Do not understand whether I will still fit into the picture. There are only 7 days a week, right? I understand that oxytocin is fun and I know he is excited to love someone who is available. I get that my problems are about me and my needs. But I am devastated. Ready to sabotage and give up something precious to me, and scared I will. Feeling like a jealous child and am feeling quite judgmental of myself about that. I have no idea because my brain is getting scrambled and my fears are taking over logic. Any supportive insight would be appreciated. I am feeling so weak, sad and scared.
It seems to me that you want some reassurance about your place in his life, and are wondering how to ask for that. Just take what you wrote and make adjustments:

"I see you less frequently now, and this upsets me. Even though you swear your feelings for me haven't changed, I am confused about how my role in your life seems to have shifted. I do not understand whether I will still fit into the picture. There are only 7 days a week, right? I understand that oxytocin is fun and I know you're excited to love someone who is available. I get that my problems are about me and my needs. But I am devastated and I feel like I might sabotage what we have out of my confusion and devastation. I don't want to give up something as precious to me as what we have, and I'm scared that I will. I'm feeling like a jealous child and I'm quite judgmental of myself about that. I have no idea what is going on with me because my brain is getting scrambled and my fears are taking over logic. I am feeling so weak, sad and scared. I need your support, some words of encouragement, and __[fill in the blank]__ so I can turn things around."

HTH!
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Last edited by nycindie; 12-05-2013 at 05:55 AM.
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